20.3.04
It is the time again when i begin to blog for the sake of simply adding an entry into the archives. Nothing very much has taken place within the space of a day, and thus, the content of this blog entry can easily be said to be nil. I've come to dread writing about homework and studies in my entries because doing so illustrates the kind of life i'm subjected to lead nowadays. Whether it's the pure influence under the NJ culture, or it's just my choice of lifestyle (or the lack of it), I am still clueless as yet, since there is no clear line drawn between the two to help me differentiate. This is what i call the lacklustre phase of a teenager's life. Nobody can stay in the limelight forever, nor can one's life always be happening and full of colour. To put it simply, this is dull life. And the above are merely excuses for it. Let's face it - work is indefinitely incumbent for us, and there's no doubt about that. The inner want for fun in me needs some serious rekindling. (The flame seems to have died off for quite a while). Play used to be part of me, and it still ought to be. Something just seemed to have doused out that portion...I cant even remember when the last time i teased someone or did something insanely childish was. Quite apparently, the child in me is close to dead. It is sprawling and bawling in a hospital ward, in abject degradation. Let someone, or something, help that flame sizzle alive once more. Let the child reborn. But now that i come to think of it again, only I can be my own saviour, isnt it? Hmmz...
boredom.
den* stepped on your garbage at
19.3.04
the first three months have come and gone. after forging such strong bonds and building such wonderful friendships, parting is by far the most cruel thing that can happen. parting after three months. short and sweet? i dont know. will just have to keep all these memories stored in my memory bank. inevitably, we'll all have to bid goodbye to the Rockers. everything's so short-lived. sighs. all the best to the Rockers...regardless of where they're going.
feeling so stoned today. with every half hour intervals, an impulse is sent to my brain saying, "i want food." note that it's want, not need. matter is, im pretty satiated. and the food sources are depleting fast.
the ants in my house are absolutely infuriating. i vow to exterminate them all one day. launching an attack on my breakfast isnt too bad. launching another after i take precuations to keep them away is what exasperates me. so much for my meticulous and careful planning to keep the ants at bay. they are one colony of pesky pests. well, maybe there's more than one. it's time to rejuvenate my cold-storaged anti-ant campaign. hmmpf.
im bored. im frustrated over nothing. i think this behaviour is classified under moodswinging. im screaming for attention inside. well, who'd ever hear me then? argh.
den* stepped on your garbage at
18.3.04
i am finally back from the sleepover at serene's. and conscious enough to type this entry. alvin and i were like walking zombies yesterday, after fatigue [as a result of one sleepless night and a game of tennis] shot us down. the bbq and sleepover were great! :) inititally it was pretty.....dry.....since well, there was this sort of invisible gap, no, valley! between some of us and the rest of the class. that's very sad news, because even after three whole months of trying to gell together, it still doesnt seem to turn out right. anyway, casting that aside, the rest of the night was quite amazing. let's see...the ppl who stayed over....[serene, me, sian chen, grace, hui pang, navin, alvin and mark]...we walked over to a BP kiosk and got ourselves some stuff. i got Milo Freeze, which is expected...heh. the guys copied me! and serene and sian chen shared a whole tub of ben & jerry's chocolate flavoured ice cream! [YASH!! haha] and they refused to listen to my recommendation of getting Cherry Garcia [Yash!! ;)]. after that, we walked over to a playground at Bishan Park and played for a while. this was what happened at the park...
[alvin was pushing me while i was on a swing and hui pang hops over and occupies the other one. navin and mark were standing around the swings sucking their milo freezes.]
alvin: "eh mark! you push hui pang also la!"
[navin cleverly sneaks off, not wanting to be dragged into anything er, 'undesirable'.]
mark: [after two seconds of silence] "hey, im drinking okay...you dont want me to...."
[hui pang is still swinging zealously by herself while in the background, mark walks off callously, haha]
alvin: [in a supposed whisper but which ended up very very audible] "eh, Mark very bad leh!"
me: "SHHH! ya..haha"
[hui pang still swings zealously].
i dared not turn over to witness her expression or whatever action/gesture that followed after mark's half cut-off remark. =/
after that, i was playing with the see-saw with alvin. navin joined us and then she came along too. dots... hmmz, and after all that reliving of childhood days, we ended up on those kinda shaky rocky bridge and it was ghost story-telling time! at 2am in a deserted park, it sure made our goosebumps pop out. finally, when tiredness set in, navin, alvin, sianchen and i ended up forming this silly lean-on-one-another formation so that everybody could get some support from everybody. sianchen kept complaining cos navin was too tall and that she couldnt rest her head on his shoulder properly, haha. too bad for her then. after struggling with all that backaches, mosquito bites and lack of comfort, we finally decided that we should head back for the condo instead of trying to wait for sunrise in the park. we'd have dropped dead anyway. the next morning, we all woke up with blocked or runny noses. the airconditioning was set to 16 degrees by someone who refused to admit his/her hideous crime. i woke up with more than a blocked/runny nose. i woke up a shagged snowman. =/
stumbled my way towards cineleisure after bidding the party goodbye. had 2 hrs to play with before going swimming. rushed to the alley and bowled 2 games and ystday's the first time i realised that cine's shoe rental goes for the exorbitant price of $1.50! [which is 50% more than the rest of the Cathay outlets, geez] the 2 games were a huge major rush...cos i had to change outta my skirt before bowling and into it again after that. stumbled back to the mrt station and finally felt liberated when i settled down for swimming. :) it was a nice, cool and fuzzy feeling. -grinz- when i got out of the pool, i had this wretched cramp in my foot. it was unbelievable. it subsided only thanks to somebody's special assistance, heh. my first cramp. cool.
more stumbling after i reached the busstop. apparently dad and mum werent free to ferry me from the busstop to home. i was cursing myself for my unluckiness. huge bag, hurting feet, stomachache and a collapsing body. i was dying to get home fast so that i could flop over, but then again, it was physically impossible. when i called dad, he said he was still in the office. when i reached home, his car just entered the car porch. i reckon i took a long long time to walk home. it was terrible. :X i felt like a great survivor returning from a tedious expedition the minute i touched homeground.
after 15 hours of battery-recharge, i am sane again. this is the longest entry ever written in my entire blog i think. heh. if you've read till here, im gawking at your patience and well, perseverence. :)
i forgot to add. my sunglasses' screws came off. it's so screwed. [notice the pun and its irony?] my whole two days were full of such foolish and scrwedup incidents...which thus explains my mental fatigue.
den* stepped on your garbage at
16.3.04
blocked nose and sore throat. and now it's a stomachache. sighs.
spent the entire afternoon trying to mug biology - cell structure. now i realise how tedious and hellish this chapter can get. the notes are highly inadequate and it took me ages to extract information from the net to piece the whole picture together. up till now, im still not finished, heh. :) dear paul davidson doesnt noe how to organise his lecture notes and doesnt noe how to conduct a lecture. all thanks to him. hmmpf.
bbq cum sleepover tomorrow night. was all pepped up a couple of days ago at the prospect of a sleepover [more like the excitement of finally obtaining permission to go for one]. but now, it seems that my mood's dampened quite a bit. it has become an obligation to turn up. the girls arent going...which is the main reason for my disappointment. no eeleen and no cindy. it's going to be lifeless...and poor alvin. in order to retain our attendance, he has promised to stay up to talk to and entertain us. very self-sacrificial of him, but it doesnt really work much on people like me. heh. :)
fortunately for you*
den* stepped on your garbage at
14.3.04
You have a goodbye kiss- much passion and longing,
but never lasting.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hmmz...
den* stepped on your garbage at
in the face of adversity, im so thankful that i have you to depend on. to have your shoulder to cry on and to have your listening ear. im really really glad to have you around...thank you so much. -hugs- i never expected you to devote your additional time for me, im so touched. :)
on the 15th of March, 2004....past twelve midnight....i finally broke the news to him. i probably broke his heart. but at the very least, i did it before it could have gotten any worse. sighs. this feels awful. it's the first time i came so close to putting it directly...must have hurt... :( pray that there wont be any awkward situations during training...it sure sucks.
thanks cindy for reassuring me.
den* stepped on your garbage at
i tried putting it across subtly...hoping that he'd understand...i said that we're way too different. he chose to read it as opposites attract. no we dont. im so tired of trying to be nice. just give it all up...cos there's no freaking point in holding on and trying to impress me or my parents. my life feels intruded and i hate lying to people saying that no, im not interested in any relationships and that my life's nothing but studies....i dont want to go out because i want to study and because my parents say no. it's not the case. i just dont want him to fall further and end up getting hurt by me...
i should not have agreed to go out ystday. it just made matters worse.
and now im pissed. what the hell.
den* stepped on your garbage at